When to be exclusive in online dating
Far too many women make the mistake of assuming that a man is dating them exclusively after just a few dates, or after they have sex for the first time.
But this is often a false assumption, and heartache can easily ensue.
In 99% of relationships, either he’s breaking up with you or you’re breaking up with him. Which means that there’s a bit of risk involved in any relationship, and there’s not a single thing that your trusty dating coach can do to entirely eliminate that risk. This disconnect explains almost all of the friction in dating and once you understand it, you can make a permanent adjustment.
What I’d like to do is help you mitigate that risk a bit so that you don’t end up wasting too much time on the “wrong” men. All he knows on the first date is that he’s attracted to you.
Our chemistry was immediate (physical, intellectual, and emotional) and things have been very easy so far. I am totally comfortable with the speed (how often we are communicating, seeing each other, and sharing information about ourselves).
But, we recently slept together (it felt right and was great).
The consensus among every relationship expert is that the assumption should never be that you're dating exclusively, but instead, that you're dating non-exclusively until you have a conversation about the subject.
Donna Flagg, a communications expert and author of Surviving Dreaded Conversations, said, "A woman should never assume her beau is exclusive.
Which brings us to a notion that I articulated in which has a funny way of always resurfacing on this blog: “Men look for sex and find love.” This doesn’t mean he’s a player or a liar or a loser. The way he figures out if he really wants to be in a relationship with you is based on the quality time you spend talking over that first month or two.
This doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to be a good husband and father one day. This is completely separate from his desire to sleep with you.
I would like to know that he isn’t sleeping with anyone else and won’t be sleeping with anyone else while we are sleeping together.
Should I have the “defining the relationship” conversation with him or should I wait and allow things to evolve more?